Now you see it, now you don't

 I have been learning to use show not tell to make my narrative interesting.

I do this by describing how the characters are feeling and what their thinking and trying to have characters' dialogue. This is the story I changed.

  

                             The Rip                                          

There were two brothers who were not at all alike;  they were different in every way. The younger brother always stayed on the sand. The older brother was always in the water. The older brother liked to swim with his bros, diving, tumble, bombing, snorkel, and surf in the waves. During the day the older brother liked to go on lots of adventures but the younger brother would stay safe on the sand. Sometimes the older brother would creep up to the younger brother and drag him into the water. “Oh come on you little chicken, it’s only waves,” teased the older brother.     

One morning their mother got angry with them “ like a cat and a mouse!” she yelled “out you go together”, she said, “and try to be nice to each other for once. Why did you have to come?” Jack moaned.” I didn't want to come. I don't even like the water. “Your such a baby! You're afraid of the water!” The older brother left him and went for a swim. “Hey! Come here!” he yelled a little while late. Gingerly, James walked over to see what he wanted,” come on just jump in for once” Jack splashed him, He froze in place. “N-no, you didn't just splash me”. James imagined all the horrible things it could lead to… “Ah! You’re lame”, said jack as  James walked away back to making his sandcastles.

James waited for Jack to get out of the water. Fear gripped his heart. Tears threatened to burst from his eyes. What could he do? He had to follow him into the water. The water was light blue, with seaweed floating and children laughing. He found himself tangled up in seaweed - there was no sign of his brother. Quivering, he saw his brother going further out. Fish, stingrays, and sharks - what other creatures could be lurking here? His mind longed to turn back, but his heart would not let him. He could not leave - for what would become of his brother? “Brother! Where are you? He yelled as he ran. The more he ran, the more he wanted to get help for his brother and to get him out of the water. 

A fierce wind whipped through the sand. He continued to struggle through the seaweed as he called for help for his brother. Just when he knew he couldn’t swim on, he was released from the seaweed. There in front of him was his brother just floating there lifeless. He swam to his brother and wrapped his cold arms around him and held tight. As he ran back holding his brother in his arms, he was slowly coming back to life.

They ran back up onto the bright golden sand, through the cutty grass, into the lifeguard station, and out again. Together. When they reached home, their mother was setting the table. “Hello”, she said “you two seem very quiet. “Is everything alright?” James smiled at his brother. Jack smiled back

Water cycle

 We put our ideas about the water cycle in these boxes to see what we know about the water cycle.

Testing the waters.

 We are learning about keeping the water and rivers clean.

Health relate

In class, we are learning what it means to be healthy. I learned that staying healthy is a good thing for your mental health and whats going on in life.

Its so cold

In class, we do a cold task to find out what we already know. Our cold task was on narrative writing. This is a snapshot of what I can do in 30 minutes by myself.

We are learning to self-assess our writing so we know what we are good at and what we need to work on.

What I want to in prove in my work is to use better punctuation and to show not tell.

Name: Calaya

It was the holidays, I and my cousin were messaging each other. 

I decided it was a good idea to go pick her up on the quad and my sister. When we arrived at her house she said “ill get my quad we’ll have a race “I agreed.

 So she asked if my sister wanted to hop on her with her and if her sister will hop on with me. We were riding up and down her road until she tried to do sideways on it. We were already halfway to her house until my cousin looked back and saw they had flipped. 

I rushed back to them, we were freaked out. My cousin and sister were under the bike, that wasn't a good moment.  At that point, the man living on the corner had seen everything. He came running out and pushed the bike up from them. My cousin that was under the bike said 

“go get my dad please”

I quickly rushed to get her dad,  my uncle. He was there in no time. He was mad. I followed him back up to them on the bike. By the time I got to them, they were alright. My cousin got taken to the hospital a few minutes after.

She was crying that she might have broken her arm, sure enough, she did. Later that day I went home to see if my sister was alright. She had a big hole in her elbow, it was disgusting. My nan took her to the doctor to wrap her arm 

A few months later I went to visit her asking if she was allowed to come but it was, of course, a no. Since that day my cousins aren't allowed to ride or hop on a bike with us ever again. But that's a memory from their scars they say.

The mystery shapes.

 Yesterday we got given a task sheet to complete with a partner and see if we knew what some of the clues meant and see if we knew what we were doing.

Forgiveness

 We have been learning about forgiving people.

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37

   I learned something new because this is a new story to me.