Now you see it, now you don't

 I have been learning to use show not tell to make my narrative interesting.

I do this by describing how the characters are feeling and what their thinking and trying to have characters' dialogue. This is the story I changed.

  

                             The Rip                                          

There were two brothers who were not at all alike;  they were different in every way. The younger brother always stayed on the sand. The older brother was always in the water. The older brother liked to swim with his bros, diving, tumble, bombing, snorkel, and surf in the waves. During the day the older brother liked to go on lots of adventures but the younger brother would stay safe on the sand. Sometimes the older brother would creep up to the younger brother and drag him into the water. “Oh come on you little chicken, it’s only waves,” teased the older brother.     

One morning their mother got angry with them “ like a cat and a mouse!” she yelled “out you go together”, she said, “and try to be nice to each other for once. Why did you have to come?” Jack moaned.” I didn't want to come. I don't even like the water. “Your such a baby! You're afraid of the water!” The older brother left him and went for a swim. “Hey! Come here!” he yelled a little while late. Gingerly, James walked over to see what he wanted,” come on just jump in for once” Jack splashed him, He froze in place. “N-no, you didn't just splash me”. James imagined all the horrible things it could lead to… “Ah! You’re lame”, said jack as  James walked away back to making his sandcastles.

James waited for Jack to get out of the water. Fear gripped his heart. Tears threatened to burst from his eyes. What could he do? He had to follow him into the water. The water was light blue, with seaweed floating and children laughing. He found himself tangled up in seaweed - there was no sign of his brother. Quivering, he saw his brother going further out. Fish, stingrays, and sharks - what other creatures could be lurking here? His mind longed to turn back, but his heart would not let him. He could not leave - for what would become of his brother? “Brother! Where are you? He yelled as he ran. The more he ran, the more he wanted to get help for his brother and to get him out of the water. 

A fierce wind whipped through the sand. He continued to struggle through the seaweed as he called for help for his brother. Just when he knew he couldn’t swim on, he was released from the seaweed. There in front of him was his brother just floating there lifeless. He swam to his brother and wrapped his cold arms around him and held tight. As he ran back holding his brother in his arms, he was slowly coming back to life.

They ran back up onto the bright golden sand, through the cutty grass, into the lifeguard station, and out again. Together. When they reached home, their mother was setting the table. “Hello”, she said “you two seem very quiet. “Is everything alright?” James smiled at his brother. Jack smiled back